Stripped of the things that damaged them -- jealousy and the rage that ensued -- they were free to be vulnerable once more. Lying there naked, the sincerity underpinning the relationship that had once allowed it to flourish was palpable.
Forgiveness is for the forgiver more than it is for the one being forgiven, because you’re the one who carries the weight of the hurt and the anger. You’re the one who is eaten up by it. You’re the one who remains a victim, and the one left feeling powerless and helpless.
Sure, it’s easy to love someone when you think they are perfect, when you hold them up on a pedestal and pretend they are everything you need and always wanted. You fell off that pedestal when I was 12, Dad, but I loved you so much, flaws and all, and I still do.
I am rewriting my story day by day. It may not be a fairy tale, but it will still be a happy story. I hope my words help others to break free and heal themselves. If you are in such a situation, know that I was able to get free and so can you. Reach deep within yourself and find that strength ...
Your choices -- down to what you eat in the morning, to how you honor your body, to the sex you don’t have, to the run you choose to take, to the money you make and the money you don’t make, to the zone of comfort you choose to step out of -- those choices are your lifeline to change.
And I was finally free. Of the guilt and shame of divorcing him, of judging myself for being so crazy because I had done what was right for me. The moment I acknowledged that the power was mine was the moment I had it back.
The transition comes in waves and layers, a twisting road with unexpected turns, and at times you are unsure whether your direction is forging forward or reeling backwards.