I danced
with joy
with great delight
and utter and complete abandon
Could grief be right?
Could joy be found
among the memories
that grief now tightly held?
My lungs are a little bigger now. I can run for four miles, I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute... I breathe in the love, exhale the crap.
On days when I choose to believe, I tell myself staying open is the only way for the forces at work to show and tell us things, things we need to have and hear when someone is no longer with us.
I would rather swim naked in a lake under the sun than drown in the World Wide Web where female nipples are censored.
I would rather climb a tree than climb the social ladder.
I want to swig tequila from a bottle and feel the burn, talk to an elder and really learn.
I would rather suffocate ...
In my stillness, I heard my torturous pain.
I grasped what had happened, but still grasped that moment before the storm
Before the unbearable pain permeated through my entire body.
So maybe I don't want to forget you. Maybe I'm secretly still looking for you. Hoping desperately to find you in a place you wouldn't (couldn't) even know to hide. It's likely that I'll continue to torture myself with this game forever.
Sometimes we have to let people go, even when we don’t want to, even if we never imagined a future without them. Sometimes we have no choice, so we have to make peace with that, as hard as it is. We can struggle against it, we can resist. Or we can set the other person free, and set ourselves ...