I phoned an airline. And wouldn’t you know, the job where so much self-misery was manufactured had also earned me enough miles for a free flight to India.
It isn't easy to release the past or anxiety, and it can take a long time to shift it, but from the very first moment of awareness of it, it loses its level of power and grip, and things are never the same again.
Awakening to love, and reconnecting with your heart, is living with presence, bravery and vulnerability. It's a willingness to accept it all, moment to moment -- the good times, the painful times, the perfections, the fuck-ups, the triumphs and the spectacular failures.