A Prayer To Become More Certain Of Who I Am.
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Chemistry is everywhere.
We are continually combining with other forces or elements and creating wonderful and sometimes dreadful concoctions — and all variations in between.
The results can be felt in terms of energy or electricity — how vibrant one feels when combining with another or a group of others, or how completely drained and lifeless one can become when combined with an adversarial or undesirable entity. For example, a horrible job, abusive relationship, debt, etc.
What kind of chemistry am I offering?
A couple of weeks ago, amidst the blast of uncertainty our world has been infused with, I started praying that I would become more certain of who I was. I was strangely aware of all of the parts of me that were not me. Well, they were me, but combined with large doses of fear, accumulated over large parts of my life experience.
I think the gift of uncertainty that the world was offering woke me up and to the realization that I no longer wanted to be anything but the real deal, the one hundred percent authentic representation of me. Sounds so basic, but it really had become a far away concept.
I was in the woods one day and found a tree stump to sit on, crossed my legs, spread out my arms, palms up, and just closed my eyes. Well aware of the benefit of meditation but beyond caring to strive to do anything else to make myself more agreeable to society and merit the good life, I just closed my eyes and practiced being me.
I sat there with no agenda, no breathing technique, no visualization, no mantra, no expectation or intention — just me.
Wow! Did that feel good. All of a sudden I realized, “I’m here!” No pretentious pose or need to be a people or even a God-pleaser, I was just showing up as me. It’s a very powerful thing to do. And magical — all of a sudden, my breath starting doing what some people go to gurus and/or pay lots of money to learn how to do. It started to generate a decent rhythm all on its own.
I started to feel connected to everything that surrounded me. I could feel not only my own existence but the community of the trees, the moss, the deer, the sun, the air, the ground. I wasn’t trying!
The natural phenomenon was clearly introducing itself to me, because for once in a long time, I was showing up in a natural phenomenal way myself.
So of course, I started doing it more. Just being me. One hundred percent. Not so much in my interactions with others, I was still going away to do this, isolating myself to be me.
Any repeated action keeps getting stronger. True for something you believe and thus experience on a deep level — like the fear-based Frankenstein parts of me that I’d practiced for so long. But in a gentle way I felt at ease and powerful, not afraid of the giant I had created but soothed by the small discovery I had made.
The more I was showing up as me, the more strength I acquired and the more powerful I began to feel. This did spill into my world and my presence, and dialogue and connections were becoming truer.The richness of truth, the energy it elicits, cannot be overstated.
The alignment of you showing up in the world will activate all kinds of wonderful things. It activates that magical gesture called Destiny or whatever you want to call it, but it’s a stream or space or powerful alignment where you are in the zone — meeting, learning, growing life in a way that keeps on empowering and not victimizing. It’s an exhilaration of being.
A favorite quotation, source unknown, I saw on a bracelet once said, “Be one with yourself, and all things will come to you.” I have to say, I can attest to the process. Taking time to be one hundred percent you, alone, with the Universe, will make you wonderfully aware of how one you are with yourself and all and how what you need shows up, if you do.
Afterthought: It’s really about and not about us all at the same time. The part that’s about us is being able to know who we are. The part that’s not about us is being able to let our knowing run through us and touch/trigger/catalyze everyone else’s (knowing).
*****
Julie A. Sergel was born a curious soul, raised by the wind and held by the moon. She loves both city and country, prefers adventure and otherworldly companions, and knows her heartbeat to be held by IAmCitizenJane, a lifestyle brand, philosophy and movement, whose sole purpose is to inspire women to enjoy and explore themselves and the worlds in which they are found.
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