Take A 20-Minute Self-Pat On The Back — You Earned It.
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My father once gave me a dime-store plaque by the famed and prolific author, Anonymous, and I keep it over my kitchen sink as a daily reminder: “Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.”
And what if we didn’t have to? What if each of us could find the courage to just be a little bit more authentic with our emotions?
I’m not suggesting, of course, that the cop on the street should slow his beat down to match his mood. Nor would I recommend that the mail carrier go door to door only to knock and complain about his corns, but what if we just cut ourselves a little bit of slack every now and then?
I have a dear friend whom I like to call my life-sponsor. And I am hers as well. We call or text each other almost daily to check in and always know that it’s okay to acknowledge that we feel a little bit off or down if that’s where we are.
The beauty of this type of acceptance within a friendship is that there is no pressure involved. It’s simply okay to say, “I feel like shit and I don’t want to get out of bed today.”
In speaking the truth, there comes a tremendous release. And 9 times out of 10, we find ourselves feeling better for having done so at that moment. Alright, 8 out of 10 — but the odds are in our favor. It’s just a relief to know we are not alone. Someone else gets it. And who do we think we are fooling anyway?
“One thing you can’t hide — is when you’re crippled inside,” said John Lennon. I wonder if he and Anonymous were friends…
This friend of mine, she’s a single, full-time working mother. Her job is in sales, so she can’t exactly tell her clients that she may be PMS-ing on Tuesday — beware! No, she has to be on at work — always. And she has to show up for her kids at the end of a long day.
No matter how exhausted she may be, it’s not their problem, nor should it be. They, too, have to show up — to school and for sports and for homework. Granted, we are both lucky to have the things we have and the opportunities we have for our children.
I am certainly not bemoaning the lives we live, but I do think it’s worth pointing out that no matter what your station in life, it is okay and normal to have a bad day. Unless, of course, you are Gwyneth Paltrow, according to the media.
God forbid! How they turn on their beloved celebrities when it makes for a good story. Shame on them.
I’m not even really a follower of Paltrow’s work, and I don’t know her personally even a little bit, but I felt for her deeply as she was so scrutinized during what must have been an incredibly painful time in her personal life.
Conscious uncoupling is never easy. Hopefully she and Madonna were able to commiserate. That was slightly snarky of me, but did I mention that a little humor can also serve to counter the doldrums?
A sponsorship relationship like this has to go both ways, of course. As often as my friend reaches out to me, I am there for her. Listening is a very important part of the equation.
Most of the time our conversations are light and brief and about looking forward to the next dinner/gabfest we will share together. Sometimes we have to tell the other to just suck it up and move forward that day. We have collected too much dirt to ever betray the other.
Simply relating to another who can understand your emotional position can provide a wonderful therapeutic outlet. And it’s free!
At times, of course, friends must try to recognize when they are out of their league in this type of support and even suggest, in a caring way, that extra help may be beneficial… in the form of a babysitter, a trip to a nutritionist or a doctor or other professional.
“Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.” I’m going to take that little 4″x6″ plaque and plagiarize it on a 2’x3′ canvas (Anonymous will never know). We are all doing the masquerade, aren’t we? Let’s give ourselves a break.
Understanding the difference between pretending, when it matters, and allowing ourselves to retreat under the covers when necessary, may save us from traveling further down that rabbit hole at times.
Take a mental vacation and download a guided meditation app on your phone. It even works for non-hippies. Trust me, I know. A brisk walk, an occasional Yoga class… a good book and a cup of tea or a glass of wine? A 20-minute self-pat on the back, so to speak. You deserve it. You’ve earned it.
Take a break. And if you don’t deserve it and haven’t earned it, try it anyway because your small daily release of stress, anxiety, fear, grief or resentment may save yourself (or the rest of us) from the potential detonation of the forces within you.
As Sigmund Freud said, “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” He was kind of smart, that one.
So love yourself, soothe yourself, cherish yourself. At the end of the day, you’re really all you’ve got. Unless you’re like me — lucky enough to have found a sponsor.
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Susie Bean Breitbart is an artist, a mother and a survivalist with a poor sense of direction, but a fierce determination to keep searching for truth and happiness in this life. She finds that, through artistic endeavors such as painting, drawing, interior design and writing, she is starting to grow and heal in ways she never imagined possible.
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