Manual Instructions For Opening My Heart. {poetry}
Let me bring you tea
Bring you tears.
Let me rub your feet
Make your eyes roll back in your head.
Let me hear you speak of god
Tapping to enter the psychedelic cathedral.
That’ll get my blood moving, opening the first valve.
Let me have my mood splayed on my stomach,
futzing on Facebook.
Climb on
Press your belly to my back
Ignore my elbow dig your rib
If I sigh, dare to mock
If I shrug, grab my skin with your teeth
Bite the muscle between my neck and my shoulder
kinda hard. That should open the second valve.
I’ll buck for sure, but clamp on like a pup to a towel
And growl…
till I laugh
which I will
‘cuz I’m easy.
The third valve is tricky
It’s trusting the fall
with no will to die
the death of merging.
Don’t be the knight or the damsel
The One or the Other
Mind or body
Always or never
Inside or outside
Meet in the middle means
No selfless compromises
No bearing crosses or bringing rings
No leaving scars.
At the same time, open wild
No holds barred.
What makes that fourth valve stick?
Nice normal pleasant safe
Thank you, no.
Dream of cozy evenings at home alone
Sharing a bottle of red
Charmed by shadows on a flat screen
Sorry, Cupid, no.
Strip me raw
Lift chin with first finger
Make me find my eye in yours
Hold its gaze
Unremitting,
Until I…
Stop blinking
Stop cringing
Stop doubting
Stop trying
Stop fixing
Stop flogging
Stop apologizing
Stop deferring
Stop catering
Stop pleasing
Stop smiling
Stop settling
Stop stopping!
Bind me, bless me, embolden me
But do not give me back my eye until
I blood-swear
I love myself completely.
Then drop your guards
And beg that I demand
the same of you.
Crash the terror wall
Shredding knees on ego shards
Scratch scream grieve burn
Race over hot playa sands
And when a phat moon rises fresh and ripe,
Start twirling, tossing up lust sparks
Breaching
Back diving through the flaming portal
Reaching
To squeeze the lime.
That outta turn the fourth valve.
I want to give it up
You want to take it;
You take
I give.
To ride the whirling red river
through the labyrinth,
you gotta get on top, girl!
If they ask, who’s in charge?
Go ahead, tell ’em…
You are.
*****
Amber Luckycosmos is an eco-philosopher and amazon outlander flourishing and fighting for compassion and justice, out beyond nice and normal, in the fields where love and power meet. Her day job as a community college instructor finds her striving to corrupt the youth. At dusk she rides for the changing blues and the rising moon.