My Return To The Earth: The First One Who Got Me.
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“Yes, you’re allowed to have this joy. So irresistible that you can’t keep your paws off it. There is no longer any other way to be,” my Earth whispers to me as I return after too long an absence.
“Yes, this joy is for you. Just take it.”
How could it be that easy? How does She just get me? Isn’t it supposed to be a struggle?
I’m used to the ones that demand I explain myself. I have to work hard just to relax my shoulders in their presence. But She…
… She is here for me with Her quiet trees so gently begging that I lean for a bit.
And it’s easy as the quiet in between old lovers.
I don’t give in right away. I have lists and responsibilities, and try so hard to stay away as long as I can bear. I get caught up in all the doing that I can’t feel much of anything anymore.
I know, I know… the only way I can breathe in the rest of the world and hold it in my heart is to give into this now and stop kicking and fighting, and just let myself be held. I release in increments: it doesn’t come all at once, but takes me time to learn how to let this joy in.
And when I give in, it is not by choice but by delicious slavery — a giving up and over to the one who first got me.
My heart aches over how long it has been since I have talked to Her, and how She opens Her arms so easily demanding no apology.
How could I have stayed away for so long? How could I deny myself this bliss? What was I thinking? She gets me like nobody else, and it’s been a while since I could let myself be gotten as that requires no achieving, only silence.
Melting into this now I have no desire for anything else. I bend down and put my hands to Her heartbeat, and stay even when others walk around me or walk away. I get up to walk on, and my legs go weak over this luxury of presence.
And how does She want to be repaid? All She asks is that I admit I need Her, once and for all.
“I want to hear you say it.”
“I need you. I need you. I need you. Like the first time I saw you, I find new ways to let you breathe me to life.”
She tells me to close my eyes and I do. As I walk, I touch the skin on my hip and I begin to breathe heavy, falling deep into the heart of ecstasy. I forgot I had skin. I try to control myself. Is this what it means to be alive? Have I finally found it after all this time?
They say if you love something, let it go — I walked away, but I could never stop thinking of Her. She remembered me too.
She always remembers.
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Maria Palumbo is a healer. She is a dancer in the dark. She lovingly guides women in the retrieval of their own souls through coaching, workshops, and community development. She celebrates freedom from shame in body, mind, and soul. Her work is fun and delicious, making the journey of healing gorgeous and satisfying, like a kiss under the Full Moon. Fall in deep love with your soul by connecting with her on Facebook or at her website.
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