Don’t Let Your Anger Feed the Fire.
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Having healthy emotions is about maintaining some semblance of intelligence and grace in an ugly situation and keeping our shit together.
Simply put, it isn’t cool to be raging or vile, it just isn’t. Period.
But the backlash against being in control of our deep-seeded triggers has, for some reason, become a bad thing. It is called New Agey, New Cage, spiritually void, religiously weak, and associated with butterflies and unicorns.
When someone tells us it is okay to be mad, that only feeds the fire. They are souls who don’t understand the ramifications of that energy, and they are seeking justification for poor behavior.
While I thoroughly agree our emotions are real and it is not healthy to repress them, what is missing — and so obviously disturbing — is the distinction between the emotional anger and the violence that accompany it… in thought, word and deed.
And the whole point of subduing a big mess is not to push down or deny our feelings, but to find a more responsible way to react, or not react at all.
We have to make a conscious decision before rage sets in as to what level of emotion we will play in. And yes, we all have the power to do so.
Time in the making
The origin of most anger isn’t in just one single moment; it is many, many, many years of painful layers, so learning to figure out which ones we need to shed is difficult at best, but it is the way to get past what isn’t doing us any favors.
Anger is not a squeaky wheel, nor is it impressive. It is nothing more than intimidation and, in the end, it is the angry one who plays the fool.
Breath
Learning to articulate what we are feeling, without the drama attached, is never easy, and if you don’t know how, here is one tool.
Just hold a pause, a breath, think a bit before you spew out any nastiness unto those who may or may not deserve it.
It is a higher space to occupy, a gentler place to be, and doesn’t leave a trail of vileness all over the place so it need not be cleaned up in the aftermath.
Words
Expression, ranging from joy to rage, comes in many forms, but using intelligent emotion is the highest form of love. We can — yes, we can — be upset without rage.
We can be passionate, strong and convincing without anger, and we can be heard without being loud. We can raise our vibration, not our voice.
There are so many ways to get our point across, but being pissed off rarely, if ever, does a thing.
Thought process
The key is to process, and processing includes a different view, a different way to act, and not letting emotional tirades take your lowly self into a gutter of crap that you can’t come out of, and especially not to wipe it all over others.
Everyone knows when things take us our of our element, the hackles can rise quickly, but what does that really achieve? Nothing.
Remember, negativity is infectious and dirty, and those who want to justify it are the ones who haven’t learned how to reel it in. There are no excuses for negativity.
Mirror, Mirror
I have met that horrible out-of-control feeling and hideous wrath up close and personal — been there, done that — and I can tell you that it isn’t pretty, and that anger only breeds more anger.
It also comes with a huge price to pay when we are out of our minds with ire. We hurt, so we hurt others, and the wheel goes round and round.
It is dealing with our worst shadow — the shadow of defense and fear. It makes us small and insecure — a lonely place — and we don’t need to be there at all.
This is about a greater understanding of our own stuff — what accountability really looks like without the excuses attached. But what it doesn’t mean is we ignore what ails us, and what hurts.
It is hard work — yes, work — especially when there is major damage done, but it is truly possible to heal, not be enraged all the time, and break the chain of vengeful and bitter thoughts.
I can’t think of a single situation that warrants violent rage. Just breathe, it works.
I am anticipating my own backlash to what I had to say above, but my wish is for some thought to be put into those words before the retort.
Hope we will all find a light.
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Debbie Lynn is a mother, grandmother, artist, writer, dancer, yogi, rock climber, rock collector, and has been known to run with scissors. She is now sailing the West Indies with her husband on Indigo, their catamaran. She realized at a very young age that the outer reality was a far cry from her inner truth, and meeting her inner wisdom head on always turned into a challenge. The wonderment, curiosity and hypocrisy of life led to exploration and a cumulative documentation (art and journaling) of what she lovingly calls ‘the purge’. It is her way of ridding any negative energy from the daily grind. She says, “In essence, it is a way to start fresh and cleanse the soul.” Debbie has had numerous articles published in The Tattooed Buddha, Elephant Journal, The Edge Magazine, Sail Magazine, Multihulls Magazine and Simple Steps Real Life Magazine. Her daily posts can be found on Facebook.
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