Why ‘Fuck You’ Is Just as Spiritual as Peace and Love.
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I’ve been deeply entrenched in parts of myself that have felt shameful, disgusting and fearful.
It has felt like everywhere I turn, something is knocking on my back door to give me a royal shaking, peeling back all my false layers of identify.
It demands that I sit with, integrate, and allow the greater parts of myself to break through the shards of shadow that dim my light.
This process calls me to stand more in truth and integrity.
Yet what this recent unfolding has shown me is that the Miss Nice, spiritual, fluffy-bunny behavior just doesn’t cut it. Trying to walk peaceful, contained, and acting like things don’t affect me, is doing me more harm than good.
I have become addicted to internalizing everything. I have become addicted to self-reflection amidst the arising conflict in my life, and attached to trying to find deeper meaning in what I have done wrong.
My introspection comes at a high price. I lacked the ability to defend and protect myself against others’ unjust blame and projections. I tried to accommodate other people’s needs before tending to my own.
It has meant sacrificing myself. It has meant not standing up for myself.
When another person presents themselves with more confidence and valor, I lose my sense of self and give away my power. This is something I learned to do from childhood, a strategy implemented to survive an unreceptive environment, overriding my instinctual sense of healthy boundaries to please another and keep the peace.
Now as an adult, I could feel the rage burning inside me. My desire to express my truth fearlessly led me to emerge to the surface.
I had acquired a boundary rupture that left me feeling totally defenseless in the face of someone’s self-righteousness. It left me feeling deeply wounded, swinging between the roles of victim and perpetrator. I soothed my wounds of great despair and hopelessness with a bubbling realization that I no longer wanted to be exposed to another manipulative narcissist’s bullshit again.
For the first time, I could feel my inner fire burning with justified vindication. The inner protector was rising to the surface, yearning to be expressed. Too many years were lost where I left myself wide open for other people to wipe their shit (words, actions, behavior) on my internal landscape.
I reached my threshold of silent witnessing. I could feel my voice open up. Instinctively came my roaring defender and protector, saying:
Fuck you for not acting with integrity.
Fuck you for not taking responsibility.
Fuck you for hurting me.
Fuck you for manipulating me.
Fuck you for not being open, receptive and caring.
Fuck you for having double standards, one for yourself and one for me.
A cathartic unfolding purged from my body. Right speech spilled from deep within, hurtling with force the declaration: Don’t fuck with me.
In that moment, I claimed back my power. I gave myself the unhindered permission to unleash my wild, raw, protector — the part of me I squashed down long ago. I remembered my personal boundaries that I lost so long ago.
Within minutes of honest expression, my whole body transformed. It shook, convulsed, and then released all the bindings that had held me down. I felt a new spaciousness and depth of connection with my primal power.
I reacquainted myself with the devouring truth that I am the only person who can protect myself, and if I can’t express this with my full undiluted use of vocabulary and embodiment, then I naively invite people to walk all over me.
If I don’t honor all the goddess faces I embody, including the peaceful and loving warrior as well as the ego-crushing Kali, then I am not transmitting a clear message to others to treat me with deep love and respect.
I now know that a healthy, conscious warrior woman is one who can implement healthy boundaries and act with power in the situation that presents itself. She is able to act with courage and speak her truth without fear. She responds to any situation with right action and right speech, whether it demands peace, love or a ‘Fuck you’.
She lives for her own realization, free from limiting, fearful beliefs. She relies on her own internal knowing and power.
Beware, for she is the crucible of fearless truth that will penetrate any space that dares to bring her down.
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Naomi Cameron is a Transformative and Empowerment Coach. She guides people to embrace their loving connection with who they truly are, and gently heal from any trauma or remove fearful limiting beliefs getting in their way from radiating their beauty and natural, confident self in the world. Her passion is to empower people to reconnect and restore their internal well-being so that they can live the life they desire. Connect with Naomi through Facebook, or read more of her life-changing articles on her website.
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