In the buttery, iron taste of the aftermath, food will not fill me. A pill will not clear me of this, and sleep does not always lend itself to rest. The frothing surface of lingering promises shields the unknown sediment, sinking below. Every lie we tell ourselves haunts me, ripping apart my heart.
I’ve always been one to believe that when someone truly means something to you, you fight for them no matter what. It’s irrelevant what they do, how they treat you, or what you go though… you put on your big girl pants and learn to forgive. I’ve never been one to give up on those I love, ...
What feels different now is that I’ve given myself permission to honor that feeling while attempting to remember that something else is being made within that moment of unmaking.
This is the final gift Baxter has given me. The gift of letting go. It’s not a gift I wanted to find or was ready to find. But leave it to a dog to take me to the abyss and lead me out with a reaffirmation of love and loyalty.
In a strange and surreal way, the unexpected and traumatic loss of my child by suicide disintegrated my core sense of who I thought I was. The hope that I held was ripped away forever. Quietly and insidiously, trauma explodes the mind and greatly intensifies emotions. Trauma stimulates, ...