What Is Initiation?
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The process of becoming a wise woman is beset on initiation. The trauma we experience in our lives sets us apart from the world of safety and security.
We see beyond the veil of guarantees into the deep grit of life’s inner workings, and if we can stand it, we become wise from what we have seen, discovering that we are the point of origination for the turn of the world.
The hardships in our lives are the gateways to initiation, the fiery doorway of transformation. As we walk along the road, we subconsciously leave clues for us to find our way back to the life we already know. Our breadcrumb trail is our link to our pragmatic selves.
Standing before the doorway, we become aware that this is the same door we have seen many times in our dreams. It is the star-gate, the mouth of the cave, and the cliff that we must jump. Our inner wisdom has prepared us for the moment to walk through it since the time of our birth, to be initiated to our real lives of intuitive womanhood.
“We took them to the edge and bade them fly. They held on. Fly we said. They held on. We pushed them over the edge. And they flew.” ~ Guillaume Apollinaire
We women need permission to do everything. We ponder the ideas of risk and take a step backward, allowing the overprotective mother energy that guides our minds to stifle our path. We become anxious when our nest is threatened with change and yet, it is change we crave.
This counter-intuition has been given to us courtesy of the reminders from the women before us. In our collective sisterhood, we learned that intuition is to be quieted, for it is not useful in this world and comes with great risk. We allowed our spiritual healing journeys to be co-opted by doctor visits, our repressed emotions replaced by chronic illnesses.
We stayed in unhealthy relationships because we worried about how the other person will carry on without us to wash his clothes, to prepare his meals, and provide him physical comforts. We busied our minds with duty, while our life force was covertly sucked away by a predator at our teat, feigning the need to be nurtured.
And we have told ourselves each and every day that what we are doing is good. It is good for our children; it is good for the future. It is good for us. We labor in the act of convincing ourselves that our dying embers are a normal part of life, and the quieting our fierceness comes with maturity.
This is the root of trauma.
The choice to look at this truth allows the initiate to discover that the opening to the fiery doorway is worth the risk of being burned.
It is in understanding that strong decisions create a downwind of raw feminine power, subduing the flames, widening the narrow path to the other side while creating a storm to decimate the mundane. Her courage seals the portal from the other side so she won’t be tempted to return nor rationalize her reasons for staying.
Initiation is in the observation of the sacred land of the self. It is in the refusal to compromise the importance of your spiritual gifts to please others. It is in being an orphaned child and forging your own path. It is the burying of your spouse, and sometimes your children.
It is the ability to say I was raped aloud. In the deepest moments of grief, our losses are compensated with the ability to see through time.
Our psychic link to all life that exists is heightened and becomes a fortress of healthy boundaries in relationships and a deeper inner dialogue with the lost aspects of ourselves.
We then are able to come face to face with the apparitions of our foes who once were large and harrowing. The journey to confront them is that of the hero, as we delve into the bottomless world of our mind, searching for clues to find and destroy them.
We discover our greatest healing power has been usurped by psychic wire-tapping — recordings left from traumatic experiences. These are the way that your captors can still have a hold on you even when you are convinced they are out of your life.
They have turned your dials through the implanting of ideas, slowly and unnoticeably changing who you are, tweaking what you think and feel. These changes continue to ripple into the far reaches of your life until you sever the connection by allowing your intuition to guide you once again.
You have evolved from the naïveté that could not see the ills of your greatest virtues captured, when you free your subconscious from the influence of your predator.
Your predator may take on many forms, but its goals are universal: subdue the illuminated one.
What has held you back? What has become a cancer in your life? Cut it away. Remove it all so that it doesn’t come back with a vengeance after a brief remission. Pull out the shards of pain and use love to stop your soul from hemorrhaging.
This is the heart of initiation.
Many women who have come to me for my intuitive guidance have said “I wish I could see what you can see.”
What can you not see? What are you turning away from? When did you forgo the ecstatic dance for normalcy? When did you tell yourself that you were not worthy of being complete? When did your life start living you?
It is in those questions that her envy is quieted and windows to her world are cracked, allowing fresh air to clear the intuitive fog.
Being intuitive is not something that sets one person apart from the other, making them better or more masterful than any other person. It is the result of survival, the most visceral initiation, through unbearable processes of life.
A woman’s intuition matures when her deepest relationships are severed through death, making the only viable communication through her spiritual connection fueled by her love.
Her intuition heightens when she stays with the searing pain of childbirth, gripping at life as she deftly harnesses her power to bring life forward. It is in the quiet mornings that she lets her heart speak to her, as tears roll down her cheeks. It is in her being able to feel the word Yes in her bones, never uttering its sacredness unless it feels right each and every time.
Initiation is the voracious search for the aspects of your soul left along the trail as unrecognizable orphaned children and yet, you still look upon them fondly with love, giving them a place to heal, be loved, and grow.
*****
Anjana Love Dixon is a Spiritual Thought Leader, Interfaith Minister, Psychologist, and holds a doctorate in divinity. In 2012 Anjana launched The Anjana Network, the home base of her wisdom writings. It is from this place that she delivers deeply personal reflections of her journey to wholeness, inspires change, and provokes thought. Through sharing influential insights through interviews, articles, and her unique connection to the world, Anjana has become an internationally renowned wisdom writer and cited spiritual thought leader with contributions to major online publications including Rebelle Society, Elephant Journal, Match.com, and HuffPost Live. Anjana is a member of The Beautiful Writer’s Group with Danielle LaPorte and Linda Sivertsen and is currently preparing for the launch of her second book, Start in The Dark: Soul Work for Opening the Heart and Creating a (Real) Life.
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