Sisters, Let’s Heal Our Pasts & Be Wild & Free.
Following my first article on Rebelle Society, I have been amazed by the response, an outpouring of love from people I know and people I don’t, from all over the world.
Some with love for the honesty and the writing. Many with similar experiences and feelings. So this article is for you, sisters of the inner child, sufferers of the inner voice.
I also have a funny feeling some of the silent people that read it were a bit worried this was the beginning of me losing it — Jeez, look this Martina’s cracked up and sharing her sad stories with the all internet. Oh no, my dears, this is the end, the end of a long and painful path. A recognition and step into enlightenment and freedom.
What I wrote, what I have lived with, the neglect, internalization, self-sabotage etc. was all taught. These are all learned things. These things live in the ego and superego. What I am going to tell you is from id or an even deeper part of my psyche. It is what I know deep down in my bones and soul. It was born with me.
Let me take you back in time to explain this. I have only had a few serious relationships in my life. My first love, ouch. And three relationships during my 20’s. First one year, second two years, and last but by far not the least, the third was — you’ve got it — three years. I’m not a numbers or patterns freak, its just the way it went.
Of course, I am aware they are sadly lacking in longevity… maybe that is because I am lacking in forgiveness, and forgiveness is very important from what I can see in long-term relationships… but heck, that’s a whole other article for sure.
Back to the relationships, so each of these people hurt me in some way, a bunch of stuff that most people experience, cheating, violent arguments, abandonment, drug/drink abuse (not all in one, I just don’t want to point fingers and identify people, as it really isn’t about them).
Also, I have made many a mistake myself, but essentially, I didn’t throw the first stone and I listened and acted if they told me I needed to work on something.
Now you would think that someone who has a negative inner voice and bunch of childhood problems would perhaps stay in the less-than-deserving relationships, as after all, they don’t think they’re worth much. But nope. Not me. Each one had their chances, their warnings.
So when the time came, the breaking point, I packed my little bags and left, the last time with my beautiful child on tow — no mother separates her family lightly. But I don’t do putting up with bullshit. You see, my inner psyche takes care of those things.
It’s a bit like at school, I can slag off my family, but you can’t. I can hurt me, but you can’t. Now this isn’t to say I can’t do give-and-take, I can. I can communicate and try and be so full of love and understanding. But when it goes to waste, and time after time the same mistakes happen, this woman won’t have it.
For I am She. I am Mother Earth. The Goddess lives within me inherently, as she does in you. You are the divine feminine. This is no learned thing. It’s a deep and dark well that you will dig hard to reach when required.
Nature lives within. Just as Mother Earth, the reproductive and the destroyer, your waves can crash and cause chaos or beauty, pain or joy. When the earth is abused, she protects herself; fossil fuels, waste products and huge corporations that don’t care will be swept away in her fury if they are not careful.
Or she can provide life and beauty, and endless amounts of wonder. That’s you. That’s me. I am so full of love, one day I will show someone all the colors I see, and speak of the rivers and trees and stars and open their heart and mind. We will go on an amazing journey for the time allotted to us by the Universe.
I beg of any woman to really know her worth, feel it deep down. Whether you think you’re skinny or fat. Short or tall. If you think you’re worthless, or any other inner voice. Your looks aren’t what matter here, what you’ve been taught won’t stand once you reach the deep importance of your purpose.
Even if your bodily vessel has been violated along the path to this point, don’t give in, don’t deny the beauty of being a woman. You are the goddess and mother, you are humanity and beauty and life. You have every right to place your bare feet on this Earth and tread wherever you heart desires.
Go deeper than any learned pain, and feel your being, your soul, She.
I am a volcano, I may erupt in an orange and red blaze of fury or I may shift and become peaceful and quiet. It’s anyone’s guess right now, but I am ready and welcoming this change. I have never felt so calm and yet full of energy. The inner child, the ego and superego have all just met She, id and my soul.
Spirituality and psychology have collided. There is a strange party starting in my heart. My tectonic plates are shifting. Move with me, sisters. Let’s be wild and free and full of love.
Martina Honour is a 32-year-old mother who lives by the sea. She started her spiritual journey only a short while ago, and is making peace with her past and her soul by writing, and thanks her readers completely for their time, and wishes them all the best on finding the answers within.